How Do We Stay “Out of the Box” (And Help Others Do the Same)? [Post #7 of 8]

I have found that recognizing the temptation to betray myself and choosing not to betray myself require constant vigilance on my part. An awareness that I have been “in the box” for so much of my life and can easily walk back in during a moment of weakness must stay at the forefront of my mind. I’m hoping that learning to stay “out of the box” is like learning to shoot a basketball was for me—it gets easier with practice. Here are some tips that have helped me in my attempt to avoid self betrayal:

• Recognize the serious nature of self-betrayal. Dr. Warner describes it as “an active crusade of world defilement, conducted in the pretense that we are only doing the best we can to cope with the troubles being dealt to us, but which in fact we ourselves are promoting”.

• Consciously seek to serve others. Follow through on my feelings of compassion toward others.

• Work at creating an atmosphere free from accusing attitudes and evasion.

• Treat others as responsible for their emotional lives, including myself.

• If I still feel that “my parents (or friends, or ex-spouse, etc…) did it to me”, realize I am still colluding with them. What they did to me in the past is no longer the problem; what I am doing in the present is.

• When I find myself in an undesirable emotional state (such as harboring negative feelings toward someone, feeling like I’m helpless or out of control, sinking into despair, or just plain frustrated with life), I stop for a moment and think about why I’m there. I ask myself, “What prompting did I not follow through on that I should have?”. Sometimes the answer is readily apparent, but often finding the answer requires deeper introspection. If I can rectify my failure, I do so. If the opportunity to act has already passed, I commit to follow the prompting next time.

• Understand, as Dr. Warner said, that “if we’re emotionally troubled, it is not because we were created to be that way, but because we have betrayed, perverted, and denied what we were created to be.”

When we stop betraying ourselves it becomes easier for others around us to take stock of their own lives and commit to stop betraying themselves. We can seek to help them in loving ways that will give them the freedom to recognize their problems and overcome them. We can be willing to share their burdens because we no longer carry our own. We can exemplify the very essence of what we are striving to become.